The Legend of Zelda: Triforce of Invisibility
by Progeny Ex Machina
Summary: A girl from our world wakes up one morning with the fourth piece of the Triforce, and goes off to help save Hyrule. If you think this is a serious fic, I have a Cucco that lays golden eggs if you whack it hard enough with the Master Sword. Go on. Try it.


A/N: There are parodies that are well-written and funny. This is not one of them. I got bored, plain and simple, and make no excuses for work that was never meant to be good in the first place. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing! I read somewhere that uploading here automatically means I disclaim all rights to the original work, as something inherent in the legal...something, but I'll say it anyway.

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In Hyrule, the legend of the Hero of Time has passed down through generations. The tale of a young boy who left home, saved worlds, awakened Sages, and found his destiny. The tale of a great King of Evil who touched the legendary Triforce, splitting it into three...

But what most people _don't_ know is that there were not three pieces, but four. Yes, though there were only three Goddesses, three Spiritual Stones, three...well, three of everything, and despite the fact that the prefix "tri" means "three" in pretty much every case, there was, despite all logic, a fourth piece of the Triforce.

Really. There was.

What, you don't believe me? Well then, let me tell you of the unsung maiden from a distant land, who awoke one day to find herself in possession of the Triforce of Invisibility...

* * *

Marielle Suzetta's scream could be heard throughout the entire building. Ignoring the pounding on her door from the residents of every other apartment, as well as the landlord, the plumber, and the Tooth Fairy, who had been interrupted while trying to swap out a little boy's tooth for a dollar bill, the girl stood staring into the mirror, unable to believe what she was seeing.

Or rather, what she wasn't.

The 16-year-old cheerleader/pop star/swimsuit model/ninja-in-training, who had been fending off hot guys only hours previously (note that "fending off", in this context, roughly translates to "shamelessly flirting with"), was invisible. Her clothing, which I could spend paragraphs describing but that would be boring, was not, giving the impression of a ghost in a very low-budget horror movie. "What...what's happened to my beautiful face and world-famous sexy body?" she gasped.

Suddenly, a mysterious figure appeared in her room. "Hello there. My name is Deus X. Machina, and you, Marielle Suzetta, are one of the four wielders of the mythical Triforce. You have the piece in the middle, which is the Triforce of Invisibility. Use it well." As the figure was about to leave, Marielle stopped it.

"Wait! Why am I invisible? What's going on?"

The plot device rolled his/her eyes. "Did you not hear me? It's the Triforce of _Invisibility_. See, when you play your Zelda games, the Triforce is always shown as three golden triangles that make up one larger triangle. The middle piece is invisible, hence the invisibility thing."

"Oh." Mari mulled this over for a bit. As the sign of bad writing was preparing to disappear, she suddenly called out, "Wait! Why are the other pieces Power, Wisdom, and Courage? Shouldn't they be, I don't know, Upper, Left, and Right?"

The mysterious expositional device rolled her/his eyes. "It just _is_, all right? Now if you'll excuse me-"

"Wait! So does this mean I get to help save Hyrule? And maybe steal Link away from that princess and make him mine instead?"

"Uh...except for that last part, yes, this cue card says it is your destiny to help save Hyrule from the Evil King." _Unfortunately,_ it thought, and hurriedly poofed away before the girl could screech "I can read minds, you know!"

"Well, what now?" Marielle asked herself, turning to gaze out the window. "I could ride my horse to Hyrule!" she realized. Jumping out the window and landing on the back of her horse ten stories below (ninja, remember?), she took off at a gallop for the video-game world. Or she tried to, but since Horsie couldn't see her, she refused to ride off dramatically into the wind. To top it off, she did not know which way to go; her impeccable sense of direction apparently didn't help when it came to places that didn't exist.

After seven long years of walking, during which time she learned how to control her invisibility, and somehow didn't die of thirst, hunger, or exposure, she finally reached the magical land of Hyrule. Stretched out before her eyes was the vast magnificence that was Hyrule Field. Excitedly, she continued on, until at last she reached the broken castle drawbridge. Stepping nimbly and ninjalike over the boards, she entered Castle Town...

...only to find a lively, vibrant marketplace.

"Huh? What happened here? I thought this place was supposed to be falling apart and overrun with ReDeads!" she exclaimed. She wandered into the nearest shop, hoping for answers, but took one look at the owner and ran screaming from the small building in terror.

"What'd I do?" wondered the Happy Mask Salesman, taking off Majora's Mask and scratching his head in bewilderment.

Then, after a complete lack of logical buildup and story mechanic, she spotted Link out of the corner of her eye. She ran over to him. "Hi Link!" she chirped. "I'm Marielle Suzetta. People call me Marielle, Mari, or Mari Su. Are you ready to go save the world with me?"

The Hylian male stared at the weird girl, who, as you recall, was no longer invisible. He was used to people knowing things they probably ought not to know, but this was just...weird. _First of all,_ he communicated telepathically (because everyone knows that's how Link communicates in the games), _I have no idea who you are. Secondly, Ganon is already defeated, thank you very much, and third, why would I need your help? Who the hell are you anyway?_

Mari Su's face fell. "But...you mean...I was too late?" All her dreams of what would happen once she entered her video game world had gone up in smoke. That was an awkward and unnecessary sentence, but "show don't tell" requires too much skill and effort, so I'm leaving it like that. And while we're putting in explanatory asides, let's disregard the fact that Link was sent back in time at the end of the game. He doesn't get to be accosted by disturbed fangirls if he's been removed from the timeline, after all.

"Uh, do you mind?"

Sorry. I forgot you could see through the fourth wall. Carrying on...

Then she remembered the other reason she was here. "Oh, I guess that's okay. Now that you're done saving the world, will you go out with me?" She grinned widely and awaited his declaration of undying love.

It never came.

Link gave Mari Su a disturbed look, pulled out his ocarina, and warped to Lake Hylia. Once there, he longshotted himself up the big tree for good measure. _What a creeper._

"Hmph," pouted Mari Su, crossing her arms. This trip hadn't turned out anything like she had hoped. And there weren't any other hot guys in the game that she could remember! Frustrated and discouraged, she used her superhuman strength to pick up a bomb flower that just happened to be growing there because the story needed it to, and threw it as hard as she could into the Castle Town square.

Just at that moment, a cucco ran into its path, pursued by an extra.

The screams could be heard all the way from Lake Hylia.

Link sighed with relief.

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A/N: This document has 1337 words. XD


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